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25 September 2012 @ 06:07 pm
Fic: How To Make a Better Vampire 6/? (TVD)  
Title: How To Make A Better Vampire
Chapter: 06 - The Need For Control [Featured Characters: Elena, Bonnie, Caroline, Matt, Stefan and Damon]
Author: JenniferH (Arabian)
Rating: M (For future chapters/language, sex, violence)
Summary: Post 3.22 -- Elena grapples with who she is as a vampire, struggling for control as she tries to find herself and accept who she loves (spoiler: it's Damon!) while her friends and enemies grapple with their own choices in this new world.
Word Count: 8,526
Disclaimer: The Vampire Diaries, and all her characters as presented, belong to Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, the CW, etc., etc., so on and so forth. ;)
Notes: Thank you to my group of wonderful beta-readers who made this fic a ton better than it would have been otherwise. Following canon here, so there will be Stefan/Elena and as portrayed on the show, but fear not, this is very definitely a Damon/Elena story (with other pairings referenced, and some featured (Stefan/Rebekah, Matt/Rebekah, Stefan/Caroline).

After I had finally digested the season 03 finale, I began to think up where they could go from there, especially with regards to Damon and Elena. One narrative stuck in my head and as I continuing weaving it I became so fixated with two major turning points in the story that I just had to try and write it. I've immersed myself in this for the last two and half months, trying to avoid spoilers or even read other fic. I have a head-start of sorts on the story and am hoping that I can stay at this pace so that I can deliver chapters at a steady pace. I can't promise that will stay the case, but I'm going to try. :)

In this chapter, I reference a character from season 04, but I'm only using the name. The character will likely be different in the show.

PREVIOUS CHAPTERS - 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

Chapter 06: The Need For Control

Elena was hoping that by reading her diary from when she first met Stefan, she would accomplish two things. Firstly, she wanted to see if she had noted any vampire-characteristics of Stefan’s that she hadn’t realized were such at the time so that she could avoid falling into those traps herself. The second reason was that she hoped that by going back to the beginning of their relationship, reading her own words, it would help her remember and recapture those feelings. At least the purity, the completeness of them. Of course Elena did still love him; that was not in question. It was just... different now.

The bubble of safety and unconditional love was thinning. She had reservations where before there was no doubt and now with her change, she needed that certainty. After everything that had happened since Stefan left and then returned to town with Klaus, her faith was shaken. Even she couldn’t deny that. However, she was convinced that all it would take to fix things was to simply focus on them. And the best way to do that is to go back to the beginning, she thought with a determined smile.

Running her finger over the words she’d written out months ago, that smile faded and Elena let out a deep sigh. She was remembering, but the recapturing wasn't quite taking hold yet. There was a bitterness rising up within her that she also couldn’t deny no matter how she tried ignoring it. Stefan had lied to her in so many little ways. Not just about being a vampire, but also in how he pretended to get to know her, fall in love with her at the same time that she was getting to know him, fall for him. So much of what she told him about herself he already knew because he’d been watching her, following her for months.

And, of course, there was Katherine. That she looked like Katherine. That he watched her, followed her for months just to make sure that she wasn’t Katherine. Something that Damon seemed to realize almost immediately, a small voice reminded her as she suddenly remembered the same the morning after Katherine showed up at the boarding house after spending weeks in the tomb. She had gathered from Katherine's snarky commentary later that Damon had recognized that it was her right away even if she tried to fool him. Stefan, on the other hand, hadn’t been sure, even though he and Elena had been together only minutes before, laughing and loving. His hands pinned tightly around her neck, hissing Katherine’s name had made that perfectly clear.

Tilting her head back, Elena sighed again. She shut the diary and closed her eyes. Things were still too intense, too chaotic in her brain. She could find no peace of mind to even begin to try and recapture those early, untainted memories. They would have to forge new bonds. There was simply too much water under the bridge. Too much she knew now that she hadn't then. And Damon. Too often in the back of her mind was Damon.

The doorbell rung. Elena's eyes shot open. "Thank God," she muttered under her breath as she set the journal to the side and stood up. Resisting the urge to focus her hearing and try and pick up any tell-tale signs of her visitor, she instead cautiously moved to the door and peered through the peephole. Just as she saw the dark curly hair, her best friend spoke up.

"Elena?"

A smile spread on her face. She unlocked the door and began talking through it. "Bonnie, I'm gonna move. Just give me a few seconds to get out of the way then come in." Elena stepped back swiftly and found her familiar spot at the bottom of the stairs.

Bonnie stepped in, first looking ahead and then to the kitchen on the left before swiveling her head in the other direction to take in Elena's crouched position. Her eyebrows rose. Elena shrugged. "Sunlight."

"Well, I have jewelry --" Bonnie began as Elena spoke at the same time.

"Stefan said you were bring --"

They both trailed off with a smile. Bonnie walked over to where she still sat and Elena rose to her feet. Pausing for a moment, the air was heavy with silence and then in unison they fell into each other’s arms. Elena buried her head in Bonnie’s neck as Bonnie, with tears in her voice, whispered, "I’m so glad you’re alive."

Pulling away, Elena laughed lightly as she wiped at her eyes. "Well..."

Bonnie playfully smacked at her arm. "You know what I mean."

"Yeah," Elena grinned and then gestured upstairs. "Let’s go to my room. My curtains are drawn."

Following her upstairs, Bonnie pulled a bag out of her purse as she shut Elena’s bedroom door behind her. She snagged a handheld mirror from the dresser and settled on the bed.

"Here you go." She laid out a set of jewelry: a gold ring, necklace and a set of earrings each with a delicate, floral-accented design and flashing with gems, one gold, the other blue topaz. Elena narrowed her eyes at the jewel-tones, but as she took in the beautiful display any other thought fled to the wayside.

"Wow," she settled on the opposite side of the bed and looked up at Bonnie, a smile spreading across her face. "This is gorgeous! And a whole set?"

Bonnie shrugged. "Well, you need to be able to go out and about and since you're such a target for every supernatural creature who comes to Mystic Falls it makes sense, you know?"

Her smile dimming a bit, Elena’s mouth twisted slightly. "That sounds like something Damon would say."

"Well... yeah."

Understanding what Bonnie wasn’t saying, Elena sighed, the suspicion stirred by the jewels chosen confirmed. Damon had picked these out for her, thinking of the two of them, side by side for the potential of an eternity. So very Damon. As much as he tried to hide his romantic soul, gestures like this caused it to shine through his cynical shell. And as she thought of that romance and his love for her that stayed strong despite everything her heart gave a little hitch, sighed and broke all in an instant.

It would be so much easier if she just didn’t care so much about him. Eyes closing, Elena brought the ring to her lips, but their cool hardness felt nothing like his kiss. Her eyes snapped open, and Elena set the ring down. No, no, no. I am not thinking of him. It is done. We are done. I’m with Stefan. I am with Stefan. She gave herself a sharp nod then looked up to see that Bonnie was looking at her with a quizzical expression.

"You OK?"

Elena forced a smile. "I am. Thank you." She slipped the ring on her finger and admired it for a moment. "It's beautiful."

They were both silent as Elena played with the remaining jewelry spread out on her bed. Picking up the earrings, she slipped them on and held up the mirror. Setting it down, she brushed her hair behind her ears, posing for her friend. Bonnie nodded with a fleeting smile and then bit her lip. Elena looked at her, dreading a new dose of bad news.

"So, yeah..." Bonnie sighed, "you're a vampire."

"Yeah." Elena nodded, waiting a beat and then, "so, Tyler is Klaus."

"Yes."

They looked at one another and then unexpectedly erupted in to laughter. Quickly, it dissolved into giggles and both girls wiped at their tears.

"God, the absolute crazy of our lives is unbelievable!" Bonnie burst out with, mirth still lacing her voice.

Elena nodded, "I know. Trust me, I know."

She let out a heavy sigh as they sobered up, but a smile lightened her face and Elena felt more relaxed than she had since the impromptu gathering with her friends a few days ago. Meeting Bonnie’s gaze, she expected to see the same release on her face, but instead she looked tense.

"Are you mad at me, Elena?"

"For what?"

"For saving Klaus. Caroline’s not my biggest fan right now, mostly because I used Tyler's body do to do it."

Elena shook her head. "That’s crazy. Of course I’m not mad at you. I'm grateful. And Caroline will get over it if she hasn’t already. You saved her, and even if he’s trapped with Klaus right now, Tyler too. And Stefan and..." she trailed off, Damon’s mocking gaze filling her mind. She cleared her throat. "All of us. Probably me too. "

"Yeah, Damon said he's been giving blood to Dr. Fell, so --"

"It was probably his blood in my system," Elena finished for her, feeling a surge of connection that was undeniably ridiculous because it was Damon’s blood that had turned Caroline and she clearly felt no bond with him, but it was undeniable none-the-less. Knowing that she had Damon’s blood running through her, that it was Damon’s blood that had fundamentally changed what she was sent a flurry of butterflies dancing inside of her. She shook her head because, really, it was just ridiculous.

"Elena," Bonnie spoke softly and Elena forced her attention back to her. "What happened? How did you..." she trailed off, unable to say the word.

"Die?" Elena had gotten used to her mortality over the last twelve hours.

Bonnie nodded. "I know that Matt was with you, and he’s OK."

"Yeah, he’s good."

"I’m glad, but how if you’re, you know?"

"Rebekah." Elena pronounced with a sigh. "After we thought Ric," she swallowed hard at his name, wiping a sudden tear away. Breathing out, she shook her head slightly and then continued on. "After we thought Ric killed Klaus, Rebekah knew that he would come after her and her brothers. She also knew that his life was tied to mine, so she decided to end it."

"God!"

"She knew I was headed back to town and that I'd have to cross Wickery Bridge --"

"Oh, no, Elena!"

"Yeah," she let out a shaky breath. "Anyway, she was there suddenly standing on the bridge. Matt saw her, swerved, we crashed through the rail and into the water."

"But Matt's OK?"

Elena nodded. "Stefan was there. He saved him."

"Oh."

"I told him to save Matt."

"Oh!" Bonnie repeated, surprise and confusion paired in her voice.

"So he did and then he came back for me, but I was ... it was too late."

"But..." Bonnie began and Elena looked away as the confusion set in. Here it comes, she thought, so not ready for another round of Stefan-defense. "Why would he save ... did you know? I mean, did he?" Understanding crossed her face and she nodded. "Of course, you guys knew you had the vampire bloo..." she trailed off as Elena shook her head.

"No, we didn't." Her voice was low, and she began twisting the ring on her finger, all of her earlier ease dissipating.

"But..." Bonnie began again. "Elena, I don't understand. Why would he save Matt and not you? He loves you."

Elena took a deep breath. "Because I asked him to."

"OK, but --" she broke off, and shook her head before continuing. "Yeah, you feel guilty that you couldn't save everyone, but you save --"

"Bonnie, please don't," Elena cut her off.

"But Elena that would be like me saving," she raised her hands, looking about as if casting for a comparison, "Stefan over Jeremy! I don’t get it."

"You know what? I can't do this anymore. I've already fought with Matt and Jeremy and ..." Once again, Damon’s face bloomed in her mind and she forced it away, refusing to even say his name. "I just can't. OK, he did what I wanted, he did what I asked him to. That’s the bottom-line."

"The bottom-line is that you’re dead."

"Bonnie!"

"OK, fine, I guess I get where you're coming from. But how can you not be even a little angry that the guy who loves you didn't save you?"

A hysterical bubble of laughter escaped Elena. The one question no one else had asked her, the one that she hadn’t let herself examine took her by surprise and she blurted out a truth she hadn’t admitted to herself. "I am, OK! I mean," she broke off with a sigh. "Yes, a part of me is."

Elena shook her head, and angrily swiped at the tears that began to form at the corner of her eyes. "My heart hurts that he didn't just save me. The terrible, selfish part of me, but mostly I'm so glad. I'm so grateful that he did because I don't know what I would have done if he'd saved me and Matt died."

"Elena --"

"No, Matt was completely innocent --"

Bonnie interrupted her this time. "So were you!"

"No, I wasn't." Elena countered. "I stabbed Rebekah in the back. Literally. I looked at her, I smiled, I played her friend and then I literally stabbed her in the back. I can justify it until the end of time, but I stabbed her in the back. She has a legitimate reason to hate me. Not Matt. And at the end of the day, Matt is alive, and I'm still around and I can live with myself because Matt is alive."

"Elena," Bonnie said, sadness laced in her tone. Reaching out, she grasped her best friend’s hand as Elena rushed on, the desperation to make Bonnie understand, for someone to understand where she was coming from.

"Stefan is so filled with guilt, he's so consumed with it. He feels terrible."

"He should!" Bonnie exclaimed, clearly not understanding.

"Bonnie!"

"No, he should. I’m sorry, I am, and I do get what you're saying, and obviously, yeah, it worked out as well as it possibly could, but he should have saved you."

Elena gave up on trying to convince her that Stefan had done the right thing. She pulled her hand loose and just looked at Bonnie. Neither one said a word, tension now filling the air.

With a sigh, Bonnie leaned back and forced a smile, her tone cajoling for a response. "Well, at least this clears things up, right?"

Thrown by the question, Elena shook her head. "What do you mean?"

"You were all torn between the two of them and now that Stefan's off the table you just have to figure out if you're actually gonna go there with Damon."

As if Bonnie's words were a key, the memory of last night flooded her mind. Elena remembered wrapping her arms around his shoulders, gripping the back of his neck. He had broken free from her kiss and looked at her with the most incredible longing she’d ever seen. Whispering her name over and over again, he had only stopped when she kissed him again.

Elena remembered the feel of his fingers on her skin, her cheek, her collarbone, digging into her hips, hard then soft. How he’d ripped at her clothes, and she had done the same to him. How he’d entered her, driving deep in and out and then brought her to the most incredible climax when his sharp teeth pierced her jugular at the same time.

"Elena?" Bonnie reached out and touched her leg. Elena jumped up, trying to control her breathing, her thoughts. She looked at herself in the mirror, at her flushed face, at the veins beginning to pucker around her eyes, the painful push of her fangs in her mouth. Just the thought of him threatened her control. She made herself breathe in and out, slowly forcing herself to think of calming things -- the memory of her mother, writing in her journal, lazy days at the lakehouse with her family. The signs of her vampire nature faded and Elena turned to face Bonnie.

"I’m sorry, I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m just learning to control it. You were saying -- I mean, what you were saying, no, I chose Stefan. I chose him when I thought they were both dying. I thought he was going to be gone from my life forever. Stefan..." she trailed off and then moved closer to the bed, capturing Bonnie’s gaze, her own earnest. "I chose Stefan."

Her sincerity didn’t do much to sway Bonnie’s position. "But that was before you died. Elena, that was before *Stefan* let you die."

"He tried to save me --" she tried again.

"After!"

"Bonnie," She paused, giving up. "I'm with Stefan now. We're together again."

Bonnie got to her feet, her expression incredulous. "You're kidding me. Elena!"

"No, we never really ended, Bonnie. And I never stopped loving him, it was just everything that happened with Klaus --"

"And then he chose to turn his switch off and stay away from you." Bonnie’s eyes widened, disbelief still marking her features.

"But he came back," was Elena’s impassioned reply. "And he's Stefan again. The real Stefan. The Stefan I love. And he loves me. And we *are* together again."

Bonnie was quiet, her lips pursed and then in a clipped tone, she offered her pronouncement. "I think you're making a mistake."

Straightening, Elena felt a surge of anger and frustration filling her, turning her voice cold. "Well that's not up to you."

"Right." Bonnie turned and grabbed her purse. "I'm gonna go see Matt." She didn’t look at Elena.

"Bonnie?" And the coldness was gone.

"What, Elena?"

Rushing to her, Elena grabbed at her hands, pleading with her with her gaze. "Please, don't be mad. I need you, I need all of you right now."

Bonnie squeezed her hands back and shook her head with a forlorn smile. "I'm not mad, Elena. I'm just ... I'm disappointed, I guess. I don't understand. I mean, God, I can't believe I'm saying this, but if you had to choose between those two, just those two, then yeah, I think it should've been Damon." She shook her head again, and repeated quietly as if to herself. "I can’t believe I said that."

Elena couldn’t believe it either; her mouth dropped open in shock. She barely even noticed when Bonnie released her hands and walked to the door. Slowly, Elena turned to watch her departure, surprise still on her face.

Bonnie shrugged. "He would have saved your life, Elena. Damon would have put you first. He always does."

XxxxX

"I can't believe that Klaus is *in* Tyler," Matt looked ahead, disbelief leaving his face slack.

Caroline perched on the edge of the hospital bed and shrugged. "When you live in a crazy town with vampires, werewolves and witches, I guess anything is possible." She sat up straighter and threw a determined smile on her face. "Anyway, I'm over it. I was a little upset with Bonnie at first, but I see now that it's for the best. And like Damon said, now we have time to figure out how to get rid of Klaus," she wrinkled her nose in distaste, "without taking the rest of us out ... including Elena."

Matt slightly shook his head and turned to meet her gaze. "Elena?"

"Yeah, apparently he's the one who's been slipping Dr. Fell," her voice dropped to an exaggerated whisper, "the healing blood of the vampire." She nodded, and then as a thought crossed her mind, a sunny smile blossomed on her face. "I guess that kinda, sorta makes Elena and I sisters in a way since we were both 'sired' by Damon." Her smile turned into a frown. "Although I guess that's kinda gross since me and Damon, you know, and he and Elena have made out."

She was silent for a moment, and then just shrugged. "Nah, I like the sisters idea, I'll just ignore the icky. Oh and speaking of Damon ... I have to tell you what happened with the council. You know that the psycho version of Mr. Saltzman spilled alllll of our secrets?" He nodded and she went on. "Well, I may be FAR from Damon's biggest fan, but even I have to admit he was awesome."

Matt shook his head. "Yeah, that's what I don't get."

She looked confused. "What? Wait, no, I’m going to tell you what happened. See --"

"No, why you still hate Damon so much."

Rolling her eyes, Caroline leaned forward and smacked him on the arm. "Duh. You remember how crappy he was to me when we dated?"

"Yeah, but wasn’t that vampire-humanity switch thing you guys have in the off position?"

She paused, pursing her lips. "Well, yeah, but..." she trailed off and was silent, her eyes narrowed in thought and Matt dove into the silence.

"Yeah, just like when Stefan turned his off and was terrible to everybody, including Elena. You forgave him for that, and don’t hold him responsible for anything he did when it was off, right?"

"Well, that's different," she explained without an explanation.

"He killed Chad and Dana! How is that different? In my book, it's worse."

Her eyes widened and she sat up, indignation straightening her spine. "Because I know Stefan and he's a good guy, who cares! And Damon --"

"Has like saved your life how many times?"

She opened her mouth to respond and then shut it with a snap. Matt continued.

"You were gonna die from that car crash on Founder's Day. Your mom told me that Damon saved your life with his blood."

Caroline leaned forward again, a triumphant smile lighting her face. "Yeah, but he only did that for my mom and to score brownie points with Elena." Score, Caroline! she thought.

"So? He still saved your life." She frowned. Or not. "And what about when Tyler was doing his whole werewolf thing? He would have bit you and you would have died from it. I know that you think Stefan's the greatest thing, but I don't think he would have done for you what he did for his brother. You would be dead now if Damon hadn't pushed you out of the way and taken that bite from Tyler."

She scoffed and folded her arms over her chest. "Yeah, but so what? He’s still a jerk. Even with this switch on." She dropped her arms and straightened up, her voice rising to a shrill intensity. "Why are you defending him?"

"I'm not defending him," he denied and she gave him a look. He sighed and relented, "Not really. I'm just... I’m not NOT defending Stefan. Look, I'm not saying I like Damon, I don't. There's just a pretty crazy double-standard here, and the guy might be a jerk, but I'll still take him over Stefan these days."

"Matt," she whined, completely not getting his point of view.

He laughed, "I’m sorry, Caroline, but when I finally got clued into everything that was going on, it became pretty clear that Damon was the ringleader, trying to keep everyone alive and get rid of the bad guys. So, yeah, he's a jerk, but he's a jerk who's on our side."

Sighing, Caroline grimaced. "I know that, OK? I get that, but it's personal and I don't like him and that's all there is to it. So Damon sucks, subject closed." She pasted on a wintry smile, her eyes far from sparkling.

Matt rolled his eyes. "OK, fine, but I still think it’s crazy that you're totally cool with Stefan even though, oh, right, he let Elena die!"

"He did not! Matt, you don't understand. Yes, his switch was off but that was because he felt terrible and guilty over everything that had happened," she sent a withering look his way. "Damon never feels guilty. Stefan did and does, and Elena had begged him over and over to come back to her, to be her Stefan and he couldn't do it because he was so guilty." Scoffing, Matt started to reply, but Caroline rushed on. "But then he did *because* he loves her so much and he wanted to do the right thing. So when it came down to it, he could have been selfish and ignored what she wanted -- which was to save you, I might add! -- but he didn't. Instead, he was selfless and he put what she wanted first." She nodded, clear that she had effectively made Stefan’s case.

"Right." Matt rolled his eyes.

"Ugh, Matt!"

"I'm sorry, but I’m not buying it. He was so selfless that he let the girl he supposedly loves so much die."

"He didn't let her die. He was going back to save her." She frowned, thinking of Elena, now a vampire. "He was just too late, but HE didn't let her die -- that's all on Rebekah."

Matt winced, and Caroline’s eyes widened, outrage sparking her expression. "Oh, God you don't still like kinda like her even a little after what she did?!"

Before Matt could respond, the door opened behind them. Both of them turned to see Stefan step into the room, hesitation in his frame. Matt ignored his presence and looked back to Caroline. "No, I just," he broke off and shrugged, his gaze falling to his now clenched fists. "I can kinda understand a little where Rebekah was coming from. I’ve lost a sibling too."

Stefan moved forward, heated surprise on his face. "You blame me for what happened to Elena, but not Rebekah?"

Shaking his head, Matt steadfastly kept his eyes down. "I’m not talking to you."

"Matt, come on," Caroline pleaded with him. He finally looked up at her and with a nearly imperceptible shake of his head turned his gaze on Stefan, his eyes burning.

"It's not even what happened to Elena, it’s that it was so pointless. You didn't even save my life."

"I did!"

"No, Rebekah did." Matt sneered. "That's why I'm all fine and dandy now. She stuck around and when she saw that I was dying, she fed me her blood because I wouldn't have made it otherwise."

Caroline rose to her feet and looked at Stefan. His eyes were wide; he looked completely sucker-punched. "I didn’t know," he breathed. "I thought I saved you. For Elena. I thought..." he trailed off and blindly turned around. Stepping forward, Caroline reached out and touched his arm, but he shook her off. "No, no." He looked at her, anguish in his gaze. "I have to go." He turned back to Matt and shook his head. "I’m sorry."

Watching him go, Caroline wrapped her arms around her waist, her expression twisted in sympathy. "Stefan," she cried under her breath, spinning around to face Matt. "How could you do that to him?"

He was unrepentant. "What? I'm only supposed to understand the crazy reasons why people YOU like do terrible things?"

"No," she stomped her foot and groaned. "I just... can we not? You’re in the hospital, I don’t want to fight." She sighed and moved back to the bed, resting one hand on the rail. "Do you?"

"No." He paused and then shrugged. "Fine, tell me what happened with the council."

"Never mind, I'm not in the mood anymore." He just looked at her. "OK, fine, I'll tell you. I mean it really was awesome even if I still don't like Damon. I don't care how many times he saved my life."

"Whatever, just tell me. No rah-rah-rahing for Damon, I swear." He smiled, drawing one out of her as well.

Caroline settled back on the edge of the bed and placed her hands in her lap as she went into storytelling mode. "Well, so I was in the other room at the Lockwood mansion. The door was open so I could see what was going on. Everyone was there and Damon was all 'I called this emergency meeting because I have bad news. Our newest member -- who we let in due to his friendship with so many of us despite his lack of familial council ties,’"

She interrupted herself to comment. "I liked that: 'familial council ties.’ Anyway, so he said 'Alaric Saltzman is not one of us.’ And I could hear that windbag Pastor Young do his whole 'harrumph!' thing. Which Damon was totally counting on because he was like 'Yes, I know he made some insane allegations against myself, my brother and a couple of our members and their families.’

"That shut him up, but Damon was on a roll, really milking it. 'Frankly I find it astounding that anyone believed him, and yes, I'm looking at you Pastor.’ And I had to stop from laughing at that point because, man, Matt if you could have seen his face. He was not a happy camper."

Matt grinned and shook his head slightly. Caroline grinned back and continued. "Anyway, Damon talked about their paranoia and he was going to prove to them that Ric was lying. And this was sad, but I knew it was coming. He pointed to the corner and there was poor Mr. Saltzman all wrapped up in a tarp and Damon was all tada! Because, of course, he was all dead with the grey skin and veins and stuff."

"So was that the end of it?"

"No. And Damon figured it wouldn’t be and he was right. Mr. Davis said that maybe Damon had turned Mr. Saltzman and then staked him to sell his story, and that’s when Damon walked to the window and was all 'duh! Sunlight!’ But, of course, Mr. Saltzman had told them about the daylight rings. So Damon took his off, and he was fine."

"How?"

Caroline smiled, savoring Matt’s confusion. "Bonnie had day-spelled his watch so even with his ring off he was fine."

"So it doesn't have to be a ring?"

"Yeah, no I kinda thought that too, but no, it just needs some specific metal compound thingie that binds with the spell. I don't know, but it worked. So anyway, then my mom walked over to Damon and she was all teary-voiced, but really strong, you know, and was like 'how could you think that the leader of our council was a vampire? That Mayor Lockwood and myself knew and were OK with it? That my daughter was one of them?' She was awesome.

"Then she pulled the hurt-mom card which got all the women on our side. She told them that since I was eighteen now and had been dragged into this against my will, she told me all about the council. That’s when she called me in. I came in and stood next to her ... in the sun .. and she asked me for my ring, which I gave to her."

Matt looked pointedly down at her bare wrists. "You're not wearing a watch."

She smiled. "I know. See, I told you Damon was awesome. Seriously, he thought of everything." Caroline reached up and brushed her hair aside a bit and showed him the antique comb that secured a wave. "See my comb? Isn’t it beautiful? I’m totally keeping it. Anyway, it has that compound thingie so I was good too."

"So THAT was the end of it?"

"Nope. Then Pastor Young said that Mr. Saltzman also mentioned vampire healing powers and Damon pretty much just laughed like it was the stupidest thing, and then my mom really hit it home." Caroline's smile dimmed a bit, a shadow of sadness filling her eyes. "It did hurt though because he could have lived, but I know it was necessary to keep us all safe." She shook her head quickly, banishing her unhappy thoughts. "Mom pointed out that if such a thing was even possible that there’s no way my dad wouldn’t be alive. If his daughter was a vampire like she’d let him die? And because, you know, he did die even though I could have saved him, I cried a little and that helped to sell the lie even more. But yeah, it was sad."

"I’m sorry, Caroline. I know how much you still miss him." He reached out and gave her hand a quick squeeze.

She sent a smile of gratitude his way and blinked her tears away. "Yeah, but it helped, saying that, even though there was still some suspicion. So Damon walked over and poured himself a glass of water and asked if anyone had vervain on them. And of course Pastor Young did. So Mrs. Lockwood took it -- so Damon didn't have to hold it -- and crushed it in the glass. Damon drank it all up, no problem."

Cocking his head to the side, Matt looked at her, confusion anew in his expression. "How?"

She waved her hands in the air, mostly dismissing the magic behind it and explained it simply. "It has something to do with magical healing arts or something. Basically there's a spell that's like a numbing agent and it lasts for about four hours. Bonnie whammied Damon with that so even though it was burning him up something fierce all the way down, he didn't feel a thing. And so we're good. The council is completely off our backs." She smiled, but the smile faded into a sigh. "Now, Elena just needs to get her daylight ring and figure out how to be a good vampire and keep the grrr under control. Then we're all good."

"Speaking of, have you seen her? I haven't since last night."

Caroline perked up. "You haven’t seen her since the accident?"

"No, I did, she came to visit after she... woke up."

"Oh, no. I haven’t. I just -- it feels weird," she admitted.

The familiar expression of confusion flitted across Matt’s face. "Why?"

Letting out a deep breath, she looked down. "Well, you know how bad I am at keeping secrets."

He laughed. "Yeah, it's a miracle when you manage it."

Without taking the least bit of offense, she nodded. "I know, right." Twisting her hands, Caroline looked at him, hesitating to say anything but she finally figured he couldn’t possibly think any less of Stefan than he already did. "I don’t know, it’s just that Stefan said something last night and it threw me a little."

"What do you mean?" There was suspicion but not surprise in Matt’s eyes as he narrowed them.

"It was just about Elena and Katherine and being vampires, and I know it's stupid and he'll realize that, but I just kinda wanna wait until I know they're good." She bit her lip. "Or not." She shook her head. "It's silly, I'll probably go and see her anyway, that's more important."

"Wait, go back. What do you mean?" He repeated. "We were on Wickery Bridge because she wanted to be with Stefan."

"Yeah, before she died."

Matt scoffed and rolled his eyes. "You think she's gonna change her mind?"

Caroline shrugged. "I just know that after everything went down last night, Stefan was with me and Elena was with Damon."

XxxxX

Setting her pen and diary down on the bedside table, Elena sighed, an admittance that this was another failed attempt to return her love for Stefan to its absolute stage. It had crossed her mind earlier that they just needed to start fresh, create a new beginning. But she wasn’t sure that would work either if she was being honest with herself. She’d been jotting down the tried-and-true pros and cons list and well, there were a lot more cons than pros these days she was genuinely surprised to find.

And would starting new even work? When she and Stefan first began their relationship, things were relatively sane in her life. She didn’t know about Katherine, about the whole supernatural world and her only feelings for a boy had been the expected, but never-really happened love with Matt. Now there was Damon. Yes, she was going to stay away from him, and yes, she had emphatically decided that what had happened last night was it for them. She had chosen Stefan; she would stick with that. Period.

However, she couldn’t lie to herself and deny that what she felt for Damon wasn’t there and that it wasn’t real. It wasn’t what she felt for Stefan, and neither was it what had been there with Matt. It was something different, maybe more, maybe less, she didn’t know. She knew that she frustrated Damon, and Stefan, with her inability to give a name to what she was feeling, but she honestly, truly didn’t know. She *did* love Stefan and if what she felt for Damon wasn’t what she felt for Stefan, then how could it be love?

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Elena jumped, and her gaze flew to her open window.

Damon.

She pressed her hand to her chest, the beating of her heart galloping at an insane pace. He smiled, that crooked half-smile of his, but his eyes were warm, concerned and open. Elena felt a shudder of pain for the conversation to come and she didn’t know if it was for her or him. But she had to do it, not only for her, but for him as well. No more stringing him along, intentional or not,, she thought.

Hands falling to her coverlet, her fingers gripped the fabric, but her voice was even, not betraying the emotions rippling through her at the sight of him. "What are you doing here?" She really had not expected him to show up. Because I am an idiot, she chastised herself. Of course Damon would come to her after he’d felt that she had enough time to deal with what happened. As if twelve hours is enough time.

He reached into his jacket and pulled out a couple of blood bags. "I brought dinner." He grinned, and her heart lurched, so consumed with the sight of him, that she barely reacted to the blood. He has no idea that I can’t do this with him. But of course he doesn’t, I told him that I needed his help, his and Stefan’s both. "I figured you weren’t up for snacking on the local populace, so handy take-out." He pulled one bag apart from the others and shook it invitingly.

Elena shut her eyes, fighting the tears that threatened to fall. She cut off a laugh too.

He moved closer to the bed, his smile fading as concern shadowed his eyes. "What?"

"I’ve cried more in the last twelve hours than I can remember in such a short time before. Becoming a vampire turns some people into crazed psychos. Me? I’m a watering pot." And then she did laugh because it felt good to admit a weakness. It was something she didn’t feel right doing since her parents died because she had to be the strong one, the one in control. It struck her then that the thought had been rolling in her head since this morning, but she hadn’t felt comfortable telling Jeremy, or Stefan or even Bonnie. But with Damon, it just pops out.

"Well, we all cope in different ways," he offered, not judging, just accepting. Still smiling, he settled on the edge of her bed. Too close, she thought, and in the next instant rose to her feet.

Shaking her head, she forced a civil, but impersonal tone to her voice. "No, thank you. I don’t want the blood bags."

"Elena, you need to feed. I know you don’t want to go chomping on any Tom, Dick or Jeremy."

She nodded. "Right, I don’t want to do that and I don’t want to drink human blood --"

"Elena --"

"No, I will go see Stefan in a bit." She held up her hand for him to see the ring, and resolutely ignored the flash of possession that heated his eyes the instant he saw he wearing what he had picked out for her. "He’ll teach me how to hunt."

"Animals? Snacking on chipmunks and bunny rabbits?" He scoffed and stood up. "Come on, Elena, you know that doesn’t work. Stefan manages to stay on that diet for months, maybe a year or two at a time before reality comes a'knocking and sends him spiraling into vampire no-man’s land. Caroline doesn’t even do the hunting. Much." He held out the blood bag again. "Here. You need to feed."

She shook her head. "No, Damon, I’m not doing it. I’m not Stefan, and I’m not Caroline. I’ll be fine with the animal stuff."

"Blood. Animal blood. And, no, you won’t be fine. You’ll be barely surviving."

"Stefan manages it."

"No, he doesn’t. Didn’t you hear anything I just said? Vampires are not meant to subsist on Chip and Dale alone. It’s not healthy, it’s not good and there will be consequences if you try."

"Damon --"

"Look, when you came to me last night," God, don’t go there! Please, please don’t go there. Her eyes snapped shut and she felt him in her, his kiss, his touch -- No! She opened her eyes and he’d dropped his head for a moment. When he raised it, he was looking at her and there was regret in his gaze, and when he continued, his voice was low and somber. "When you talked to me you said that you needed our help. *Our* help. Mine included."

"I changed my mind," she retorted with a feigned casual air and turned her gaze away. Go away, please, please go away. I can’t do this.

"Elena --"

"No, I mean it. I’ve been thinking about it and I don’t need your help. The kind of vampire you are is not the kind of vampire I want to be. I barely remember what Jeremy’s blood tastes like so I won’t be craving human blood. I’ll get used to the animal stuff -- blood -- and I’ll be fine. I don’t need your help, Damon. I have Stefan. Stefan and I are together and we will do this together."

He laughed then, and it was an ugly one. "Right, you and Stefan, happy as Tiny Tim tiptoeing through the tulips. Whatever. Elena, you and I both know that you not wanting my help has nothing to do with how to be a better vampire!" His voice at the end held a false cheer, and his smile was just as phony.

Lips thinning into a hard line, she wrapped her arms around her waist and stood taller. "What I know is that I need to take control of my life and being a vampire like you is not being in control. You are the very definition of NOT being in control."

Damon shoved the blood bags into his pocket and scoffed as he moved around the bed, standing just a few feet from her. "Oh please, this isn’t about my lack of control, it’s about yours. You can’t handle what we did."

"I can. I am actually. This is me handling it. I’m over it. I’m over what we did."

At her words, the sarcasm and the irritation was gone from his expression and instead there was surprise and a deep hurt. That hurt was in his voice when he finally did reply.

"You're lying."

Elena shook her head, holding onto herself tighter. "I’m not. You need to leave."

Damon stepped closer, and everything in her screamed to back up, but if she did that then she was telling him that he was right, that she wasn’t over it. So she didn’t move. She just stood there as he got closer. "You can't ignore what's between us." So close, he was so close now.

"Oh, yes, I can," she lied and stood her ground.

"Elena..." and there was just the edge of a pleading note there, barely, but she could hear it.

Shaking her head again, she resisted biting her lip, resisted giving him any sign that she was affected by him. "I can. I will. I am."

Damon was silent then, his eyebrows coming together, a frown deepening on his mouth, a dark cloud hovering over him. She could see that pain building, take on that uncontrollable edge. Elena tried to step back then; she almost raised a hand in time to forestall him, but it was too late.

"Ignore this," he muttered as he covered the few inches remaining between them in a flash, his hands cupping her face, his lips finding hers in a passionate kiss that rocked her to her very core. Her arms rose as her mouth opened, his tongue slipping between her lips and for a moment that seemed to last forever she savored the taste of him. Then her hands landed on his shoulders and instead of holding onto him, she found a reserve of self-control to cling to and she shoved him away. Hard.

Once again she sent him flying across the room, and he banged against her bedroom door with a loud thud. They stared at each other and in that split-second between the push and their gazes locked, Elena felt the overwhelming loss of his touch, of his kiss. His lips parted to speak, but she was against him, rushing to him so quickly that there wasn’t enough time to make a conscious decision.

Her hands lost themselves in his hair, pulling and jerking at the dark strands as she devoured his mouth, her tongue now sliding into him, exploring, tasting, taking in his every strangled breath and combining it with her own. He wrapped his arms tightly around her before one hand rose, finding space between their bodies, moving over the dark material of her shirt and finding her breast. Elena moaned into their kiss as he cupped her, his fingers dancing over, rubbing the tender puckering of her nipple.

He lowered his mouth, his lips trailing hot kisses down the curve of her neck. "Elena," he breathed and her eyes shot open. Last night, her name falling from his lips had been a siren call she couldn’t resist. Tonight, it was a wake-up call. She jerked back, out of his arms. Her hands flew to her face, her neck and she tried to wipe the taste of him away as she moved back.

"No, no, I don't want this," her voice was hoarse and desperate as she tried to convince herself that she meant what she was saying.

Damon was having none of it. "You do, you want this. You want me!" But he didn’t follow her this time. He straightened up, but stayed where he was in front of the door.

He was right, she admitted to herself as the last few moments played over in her mind. But, she thought, and then spoke out loud. "I don't want to want you, Damon."

He was silent then, as was she. The silence so deafening loud in the room, she couldn’t even hear the beating of her heart, the breaking of his. "I don’t want to," she whispered again, acknowledging finally that she did, but God that she did *not* want to feel this way for him.

Her voice was still small, and there was a catch in her throat, but the tears were not falling. She would not let them fall again in front of him. "I'm with Stefan. I *want* to be with Stefan."

Shaking his head, he looked away for a moment and when he looked back at her, she could see the denial etched across his face. She’d certainly seen it on her own a million times. She couldn’t do this to him, keep playing this game with him. If she was going to let him go, she had to actually do it. Elena forced a smile on her lips. "Stefan and I are together, and we're going to be fine."

He shook his head again, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. He finally moved a few steps closer to her, and this time she did back away, touching the wall behind her. He laughed harshly. "Going to be? Because you're not now. You know you’re not fine." And he moved even closer, only a few feet between them. "Know why?" He bent his head, leaning in closer, his voice dropping to a near whisper. "Because no matter how hard you fight it, no matter how much you try to deny it, you're in love with me, Elena."

She was quiet, because despite the fact that she was so convinced, she absolutely knew that she *didn’t* know, she couldn’t say anything. She could only offer a slight shake of her head; she couldn’t say a word.

He could. He did. "Yes."

Elena’s eyes shut for a quick second and she drew in a deep breath. I have to do this. I have to go there. This is for him. This is for *him.* I have to make him believe. Opening them, she faced him and then stepped back, moving across the room. She stood where he started, at her open window. Then she faced him again.

"Do you love me?"

He looked surprised even as he nodded slowly. And when he replied, his tone was wary. "Yes. You know that I do."

She wrapped her arms around herself again, needing the support. "Then prove it. Do what I want, Damon. Respect my choice, respect what I want." Feeling weak, she dropped her arms and stood straight as she faced him fully. "Prove that you love me, Damon ... leave me alone. I don't want you in my life, not right now." She shook her head, holding on, letting him go. "I can't have you in my life."

Pain, unlike she’d seen since he found out that Katherine wasn’t in the tomb all those months ago, fell over his face. She could see his heart breaking into a million pieces right in front of her as she shut him down, let him go. But she had to. She meant what she said. She couldn’t do this, she couldn’t find any balance, any peace, any control in her life if he was in it. Everything about him, everything he made her feel made her lose control, lose herself, who she thought she was... instead she became like him, almost a part of him. She was afraid that if she didn’t make him walk away that he would consume her completely and there would be no Elena left. He needed to let her go.

"If you love me, Damon, you'll let me go."

Silence stretched out between them, and it took everything in her not to break, not to crumple before him, not to try and take his pain away, but she had to do this. She had to be selfish, she had to put herself first. And in the long run, it was better for him too. She knew that, absolutely. So she met his gaze and hers was steady and hard. She didn’t blink; she didn’t cry. There was only a sheen there, shimmering at the corner of her eyes.

Damon finally looked down. He looked away. And then he turned, quietly opened the door and walked out without a word.

Then the tears fell.

Previous | Next


*Sigh* One final note: I get that some are not going to feel bad for Elena for the most part here. I do. I can't help it. She is a massively, massively screwed up 18-year old GIRL whose life has once again been ripped asunder. She hasn't even been a vampire for 24 hours. I will say that this is the darkest chapter for Damon/Elena. It's all uphill from here. I promise.
 
 
 
shipperjunkie: B&W DE 3x08shipperjunkie on September 25th, 2012 11:17 pm (UTC)
I enjoyed this chapter very much! :)

Bonnie and Elena both made good points in their conversation, as did Matt with Caroline. And the B/E hug was very sweet.

The Damon/Elena scene was very in character, sad and vulnerable and determined and great. Poor Damon. Poor Elena!

"If you love me, Damon, you'll let me go."

MY HEART. :(

Looking forward to more.
Arabian: Damon & Elena16arabian on September 27th, 2012 04:58 am (UTC)
I enjoyed this chapter very much! :)

Thank you! :)

And the B/E hug was very sweet.

Gotta admit, I love when I came up with that. I love the friendships so much and I loved being able to show a bit of that. :)

MY HEART. :(

I know! But it's all uphill from here, I swear!!!

Edited at 2012-09-27 04:59 am (UTC)
Aislinn Nicole: Loved the starsaislinn_nicole on September 26th, 2012 05:26 am (UTC)
I'm very glad this is the darkest chapter because while it was so good, I'm still torn about stories that make me cry so much! (Don't take it the wrong way though, I still cry during The Lion King!) I love it because I can truly feel the characters here and how your writing reaches me on such an emotional level, but you know... there is so much angst for Damon and Elena that I'm tired of crying! Well, at least for today! ;-)
So, there was definite foreshadowing to how gutting that scene between Elena and Damon was, and I agree with you in that I feel very sorry for Elena. I think she is terribly messed up and feels pressured to stop hurting everyone and give an answer about whom she chooses/chose(?). After all the doppelganger stuff, that's a ton of pressure and then you add turning... well, girl has issues - understandably. I hope Elena takes this time to seriously reflect and not blindly through herself into a relationship just to feel what she once did with Stefan. I stand by what I've always thought about how Season 3 ended with Elena's choice... it's not going to turn out well for either Stefan or Elena if they don't face the issues between them. Usually, there really is no going back, and in their case to move forward, they need to actually hash everything out and be honest. And that, I believe, is what will ultimately pull them apart... whether Damon is still there for her or not, kinda depends on how long and drawn out everything becomes.
But I digress... your chapter is amazing and I loved all the talk/dialogue with Caroline and Matt/ Bonnie and Elena. I hope in the TV show, Matt is just as upset with Stefan as Damon is for letting Elena die because really - as you had Bonnie point out - if you really love someone, you don't save the semi-friend/classmate and leave them to die. So... I'm really looking forward to where you're take this, and also very curious as to how Damon's going to take Elena's request. So much to look forward to!!!
Arabian: Elena10arabian on September 27th, 2012 05:01 am (UTC)
I'm very glad this is the darkest chapter because while it was so good, I'm still torn about stories that make me cry so much!

It really is the darkest D/E chapter, I promise. But I'm glad that you're still, erm, enjoying it.

So, there was definite foreshadowing to how gutting that scene between Elena and Damon was, and I agree with you in that I feel very sorry for Elena.

Good, I mean, i don't see how anyone doesn't feel sorry for Elena! Poor thing!

I think she is terribly messed up and feels pressured to stop hurting everyone and give an answer about whom she chooses/chose(?). After all the doppelganger stuff, that's a ton of pressure and then you add turning... well, girl has issues - understandably. I hope Elena takes this time to seriously reflect and not blindly through herself into a relationship just to feel what she once did with Stefan. I stand by what I've always thought about how Season 3 ended with Elena's choice... it's not going to turn out well for either Stefan or Elena if they don't face the issues between them. Usually, there really is no going back, and in their case to move forward, they need to actually hash everything out and be honest. And that, I believe, is what will ultimately pull them apart... whether Damon is still there for her or not, kinda depends on how long and drawn out everything becomes.

I agree. I don't know how they're going to do it on the show, but while I'm still having her deal with denial, I'm also working her through it.

>o?But I digress... your chapter is amazing and I loved all the talk/dialogue with Caroline and Matt/ Bonnie and Elena. I hope in the TV show, Matt is just as upset with Stefan as Damon is for letting Elena die because really - as you had Bonnie point out - if you really love someone, you don't save the semi-friend/classmate and leave them to die. So... I'm really looking forward to where you're take this, and also very curious as to how Damon's going to take Elena's request. So much to look forward to!!!</i>

I really hope Matt is too (on the show)! Anyhoo, thank you so much for commenting, and I think you'll be surprised by Damon's reaction. I was. It wasn't planned how I wrote it, went completely a different direction, but I kinda love it. So we'll see. :D
x5vale: torturedx5vale on September 26th, 2012 08:55 am (UTC)
omg....THE END....OMG Damon, my poor babe....*sighs*

Anyway you managed to make me love Bonnie and Matt, dislike Caroline, which is how I feel lately about her in the show, and being totally in love with Damon Salvatore.

I loved this chapter and how ytou are unfolding the story and all the issues that are unsolved in the show.

Very well done.
Arabian: Damon15arabian on September 27th, 2012 05:03 am (UTC)
I know, I know, but it gets better, I swear!!

dislike Caroline, which is how I feel lately about her in the show

Yup, I'm sadly writing her as how she is on the show last season. I still love her, but she's actually dropped out of my top 5 characters at this point (which she hasn't ever NOT been in before).

I loved this chapter and how ytou are unfolding the story and all the issues that are unsolved in the show.

Thank you so much. :D
x5vale: torturedx5vale on September 27th, 2012 10:02 am (UTC)
Yep she is out of my top five too.

Can I ask who your top five are? I think I am not sure about mines...not yet :)
Arabian: Damon & Elena(PR)04arabian on September 27th, 2012 11:06 am (UTC)
1. Damon
2. Elena
3. Rebekah
4. Matt
5. Stefan

And not that you asked, but the rest of the ten are ...

6. Caroline
7. Bonnie.
8. Klaus
9. Jeremy
10. Tyler (and he's the only character I don't love)
x5vale: torturedx5vale on September 27th, 2012 12:12 pm (UTC)
So Stefan is in the top 5. Good :)

I think mine are:

Damon
Stefan
Matt
Rebekah
Elena

Klaus
Eljiah
Jeremy
Caroline
Bonnie

Also I think I really like Meredith now. I just want to see how she fits in the story.

Just two weeks and then it will be back :)
Arabian: Stefan04arabian on September 27th, 2012 01:05 pm (UTC)
Of course. I love Stefan. And depending on how he and Matt act in season 04, early on, he'll jump ahead of him. I just love Damon, Elena and Rebekah soooooooooooooooooo much. I can't see them moving out of those positions anytime soon.

I really like Meredith, but I was thinking of the 10 regular cast members (which I think that CH will be next season). Yup, two more weeks and I'm trying to go into it without expectations, and read the whole thread of what we're getting and not just what I want to (which I totally did last season, LOL!).
Bogwitch: Meg and Mog - Mog [new]bogwitch on September 26th, 2012 11:48 am (UTC)
Just caught up, but I am still only halfway through this chapter.

I have been enjoying this story so far and it's good to see Elena finally sorting through all those Stefan issues that she's swept under the carpet for way too long, but I'm afraid I have some issues with the execution of this chapter. I am happy to elaborate these thoughts to you, but only if you want me to give you my brutally honest opinion - maybe by email?

Oh and I caught this:

>> recapture those early, untainted.

Recaputred what?
Arabian: Doylearabian on September 26th, 2012 11:51 am (UTC)
Oops, that word got deleted accidentally -- "memories." I fixed it.

PMing you. :)
eolivet on September 26th, 2012 08:18 pm (UTC)
AHHHH, the ANGST!!!! :( I love how carefully you choose Elena's dialogue -- because you provide such insight into the workings of her mind, I DO understand her (despite being Team Damon, always). "I don't *want* to want you" is absolutely perfect -- because it's not a lie. And I LOVE that in a chapter about respecting choice, and when we should or shouldn't do what our loved ones ask, you closed the chapter with the most powerful choice of all: to love someone and be able to set them free. :( Of course, I cling to "for now" (shades of "It's right, just not right now.")

But that kiss, when she shoved him away? OMG HOT. :D

Once again, you make me feel for Stefan -- though I LOVED Matt telling it like it is, and calling out the double standard. The moment that he realized Matt's body was too badly damaged and needed Rebekah's blood, so he failed to save BOTH people...wow. That was just so powerful. And you held the moment just perfectly -- having him walk out afterwards. Beautifully written. :)

Of course, I loved to see Elena and Bonnie's girl talk (and Bonnie solidifying her Team Damon membership card! Bonnie! But it just makes SENSE!!! And I'm glad she used the "her or Jeremy" line, too -- I mean...you save the one you love! :) And Caroline recounting the Council meeting will never not be awesome. :D

Eeeeeeee, this fic is getting so good -- I cannot WAIT for more!!! :D Please update soon!!! :)
Arabian: Stefan01arabian on September 27th, 2012 05:05 am (UTC)
"I don't *want* to want you" is absolutely perfect -- because it's not a lie.

Yes, that was very deliberate. And it's really how I think Elena feels. She feels SO MUCH for him. That's not the problem. The problem is that she doesn't WANT to feel for him SO MUCH.

But that kiss, when she shoved him away? OMG HOT. :D

Yay! (And totally unplanned!)

Once again, you make me feel for Stefan

Aww, good. I love Stefan.

I LOVED Matt telling it like it is, and calling out the double standard

SO NEEDS TO HAPPEN ON THE SHOW! Ahem.

Bonnie solidifying her Team Damon membership card!

Well, she's not judging as much, but she's not team Damon. Not yet.

As always, thank you so much. :D
Florencia: Best Friends Foreverflorencia7 on September 26th, 2012 10:22 pm (UTC)
O.M.G. I'm afraid toward the end of this chapter I totally lost any ability to quote/comment/BREATHE 0___0 lol But let's start from the beginning... when I was still *somewhat* coherent! ;)

”Firstly, she wanted to see if she had noted any vampire-characteristics of Stefan’s that she hadn’t realized were such at the time so that she could avoid falling into those traps herself. ” - I adore your ability to channel Elena's 100% sincere cluelessness... or more of a subconscious selective perception. There is something so Elena about her wishing to learn about vampirism through something connected, no matter how remotely, to Stefan. Yet it is HER diary, so there is really no Stefan's contribution here except for what SHE is trying to make into his contribution... of sorts, while he's once again ELSEWHERE.

”She had reservations where before there was no doubt and now with her change, she needed that certainty.” - I love how you underline Elena's attachment to certainty. She's brave and adventurous, but at the same time, mostly due to all the emotional turmoil she's been through, she is so very much holding on to stability and it plays such an important part in her troublesome decision-making processes, that it's so important and great that you're making sure to mention that.

”she was convinced that all it would take to fix things was to simply focus on them. And the best way to do that is to go back to the beginning” - This is so poignant. I absolutely love how character-driven this fic is and how well you know these characters ♥

”but also in how he pretended to get to know her, fall in love with her at the same time that she was getting to know him” - Ohhhh That's actually chilling lol & It made me wonder about something I never really thought of before. Namely, just when exactly Stefan fell in love with Elena? At first sight? (Um... that wouldn't be good, would it lol) When he made sure she wasn't (like) Katherine? When they actually met? When they talked and it was epic? (#inevitablesarcasm) Because there is something so tempting (in a slightly anti-Stefan way lol) about the idea of him pretending to fall in love while either being in love already or falling in love later... OK. I fail at trying to explain myself here lol But what I mean is that it seems particularly wrong to have ANY amount of pretending involved in the process of falling in love.

Bonnie bringing the jewelry to Elena was perfect! I love that it's a moment between Bonnie and Elena (even if Damon picked the pieces... which is also perfect, obviously ;)

”And as she thought of that romance and his love for her that stayed strong despite everything her heart gave a little hitch, sighed and broke all in an instant.” - I just LOVE this sentence. So beautiful.

”...he did what I wanted, he did what I asked him to. That’s the bottom-line." / "The bottom-line is that you’re dead."” - I love this entire scene. Bonnie is gaining bonus points so fast in this chapter lol And seriously speaking, the entire exchange, ALL THE WORDS, the brief moment of laughter, the hug, everything is just so wonderfully written and it really conveys the connection between them, the real friendship.

”My heart hurts that he didn't just save me. The terrible, selfish part of me, but mostly I'm so glad.” - This is SO Elena! You just write her so well, you get all the contradictions that ARE HER with such immaculate perfection. It's AMAZING!

”"Well, at least this clears things up, right?"” - Why do I have a feeling the show will never let Bonnie be THAT awesome a DE shipper? Lol But at least she's awesome and clear-sighted here and I love it. When she says she understands, I know she does. Everything. Really. You get this across so effortlessly. Bonnie's voice is so clear here, her strong personality, how great a friend she is, how close they are with Elena. It's all so wonderfully written, in all the lines and between them.

”"Nah, I like the sisters idea, I'll just ignore the icky.”” Caroline sounds so perfect here as well. You write EVERYONE so well! *faints from admiration*
Arabian: Elena-Caroline & Bonnie01arabian on September 27th, 2012 05:11 am (UTC)
Can I say how much I appreciate the time and care you put into these reviews? You are awesome! And you keep finding small nuggets that I didn't even realize as I was writing them, like --

Elena's 100% sincere cluelessness... or more of a subconscious selective perception. There is something so Elena about her wishing to learn about vampirism through something connected, no matter how remotely, to Stefan. Yet it is HER diary, so there is really no Stefan's contribution here except for what SHE is trying to make into his contribution... of sorts, while he's once again ELSEWHERE.

I know there aren't a lot of Stefan/Elena scenes, but until you mention it, I didn't realize how much that I'm writing it as Elena and Stefan both subconsciously pulling away from each other.

she is so very much holding on to stability and it plays such an important part in her troublesome decision-making processes

Now that is intentional on my part! :D

when exactly Stefan fell in love with Elena?

I think it was a gradual thing as he first kinda saw her as what he thought Katherine was, that Katherine he fell for, and then it gradually became more about Elena when he actually spent time with her.

it seems particularly wrong to have ANY amount of pretending involved in the process of falling in love

Yes, and that was my point here.

”And as she thought of that romance and his love for her that stayed strong despite everything her heart gave a little hitch, sighed and broke all in an instant.” - I just LOVE this sentence. So beautiful.

I must confess, I love it too. :)

”"Well, at least this clears things up, right?"” - Why do I have a feeling the show will never let Bonnie be THAT awesome a DE shipper?

Well, but she's not a D/E shipper. She's saying it clears up the Stefan angle, she just needs to deal with Damon. And later only says Damon if the only choices are Damon and Stefan. She's not so much a D/E shipper as an S/E-anti-shipper at this point.
Florencia: DE (Gone with the Wind)florencia7 on September 26th, 2012 10:23 pm (UTC)
[part 2]

”"Well, that's different," she explained without an explanation.” - There is so much meaning, substance, insight in this conversation. I love every second of it.

””You didn't even save my life."” - I love that Matt said that. (Which probably means I'm awful but oh well lol)

”"What? I'm only supposed to understand the crazy reasons why people YOU like do terrible things?"” - I kept grinning throughout Matt/Caroline scene because it's such a great study/analysis of them, of what happened. It's wonderful.

I loved Caroline the storyteller. It was so great hearing what happened with the Council from her. Your writing makes me forget I'm reading a story. The story is just reading itself!

”"I just know that after everything went down last night, Stefan was with me and Elena was with Damon."” - And that's such a beautifully simple, meaningful fact.

Elena's confusion – I love how you stick with it as much as Elena herself does... if that makes sense lol

”She pressed her hand to her chest, the beating of her heart galloping at an insane pace. He smiled, that crooked half-smile of his, but his eyes were warm, concerned and open.” - Every second of this scene is GOLD. I love how EACH word is THE right word. Your writing is flawless.

”Of course Damon would come to her after he’d felt that she had enough time to deal with what happened.” - The juxtaposition of Stefan not showing up (despite the fact (Elena's POV) that he “could”) and Damon showing up (despite that he “shouldn't”) is just lovely.

”"Well, we all cope in different ways," he offered, not judging, just accepting. ” - I love how each of your scenes, every conversation is a mini-character study sparkling with SO MANY wonderful, truth-filled lines.

”She could see that pain building, take on that uncontrollable edge.” - And here is when I stopped breathing (like I mentioned at the beginning lol). And it's such a great line on its own. It just makes you feel... Have I mentioned lately how awesome your writing is?

”"Because no matter how hard you fight it, no matter how much you try to deny it, you're in love with me, Elena."” - I have such a love/hate relationship with this sentence ♥ ♥ I love that Damon says it; at the same time it breaks my heart so much that he says it. So Damon. So sad. So beautifully written.

”She was quiet, because despite the fact that she was so convinced, she absolutely knew that she *didn’t* know, she couldn’t say anything.” - This is like the best meta post hidden in the most wonderful story. I love love love this.

”I have to do this. I have to go there. This is for him. This is for *him.*” - Speaking of not being in love. I love how much THAT is exactly the proof of what Elena “doesn't know”/doesn't want to admit/doesn't want to feel. “And it's because I love you that I can't be selfish with you.” comes to mind because by doing this FOR HIM, she's doing what he did then.

At the same time, in this scene, Elena thinks about her actions as selfish, but they are selfish Elena-style, and this entire emotional arrangement is just so beautifully constructed.

”She stood where he started, at her open window. ” Just so gorgeous ♥

”She was afraid that if she didn’t make him walk away that he would consume her completely and there would be no Elena left.” - I always figured THAT was Elena's, I don't know if the greatest, but one the biggest fears for sure. I love how you address it here.

I'm just completely swept off my feet by this chapter and by the DE scene in particular. It was heart-wrenching, breathtaking, amazing. I'm just in some kind of emotional shock/awe right now. That was STUNNING.

I can't wait for the next chapter!!!

♥!

Edited at 2012-09-26 10:24 pm (UTC)
Arabian: Damon & Elena12arabian on September 27th, 2012 05:15 am (UTC)
I kept grinning throughout Matt/Caroline scene because it's such a great study/analysis of them, of what happened. It's wonderful.

Thank you. I had a lot of fun with them.

Every second of this scene is GOLD. I love how EACH word is THE right word. Your writing is flawless.

Thank you. This scene came out way differently then planned, but I was really happy with the finished product. I knew it was painful, but I also thought it made sense, was necessary and was strong.

The juxtaposition of Stefan not showing up (despite the fact (Elena's POV) that he “could”) and Damon showing up (despite that he “shouldn't”) is just lovely.

And again with finding a nugget of something that I didn't even realize. Thank you.

Speaking of not being in love. I love how much THAT is exactly the proof of what Elena “doesn't know”/doesn't want to admit/doesn't want to feel. “And it's because I love you that I can't be selfish with you.” comes to mind because by doing this FOR HIM, she's doing what he did then.

Ooh, I didn't even think of that, but you're right! It does kinda parallel that, and in the same location no less!

I'm just completely swept off my feet by this chapter and by the DE scene in particular. It was heart-wrenching, breathtaking, amazing. I'm just in some kind of emotional shock/awe right now. That was STUNNING.

Thank you, thank you, thank you so much. You're making me feel so good about my writing. THANK YOU!!!!
k_stjames: pic#117006481k_stjames on September 27th, 2012 03:08 am (UTC)
Ok so I’ve calmed down a little. As you already know just how unhappy I am with Elena’s actions no matter how misguided or misunderstood I am still blown away by how powerful their interaction was. I’m desperate to see how you work them back from this and I really hope that Damon leaves or pulls away so completely that Elena is constantly aware of his absence. Almost as much as I want Damon to wash his hands of SE I am looking forward to how you handle the disintegrating SE relationship and Elena’s growing realization that all the memories of the past can’t fix them. Loved that you had her going back through her journals in an attempt to re-capture the magic only to be confronted by all of Stefan’s lies and the problems in their relationship that have nothing to do with Damon. Very effective storytelling.

I loved Matt calling Caroline out on the hypocrisy of her Stefan-love. His every word showed just how childish and narrow minded her views were. Loved him getting her to admit to things and adding to Caroline’s troubles because she still unnerved by Stefan’s earlier confession. Plus I really cheered Matt giving Stefan the silent treatment and then adding to Stefan’s guilt about how he really didn’t save him. This piling on of Stefan’s guilt is such fun to read.

This has to be one of the few times that I really like Bonnie’s character. I could feel her frustrations and really hope that one day soon Elena will finally stop blindly defending Stefan and realize that everyone has been telling the truth that it is just wrong that Stefan didn’t save the love of his life. Loved Bonnie supporting Damon and being disgusted with herself for it but being even more disturbed by Elena’s continued cheerleading of Stefan. Bonnie and Matt were both being logical and practical and when you add this to Jeremy’s reaction you have to wonder just what it will take for Elena to face reality. Great interaction between the best friends.

Thanks for telling us that this was the darkest point because I don’t know how much more of Damon’s pain I can take. Thanks for the update.
Arabian: Ian & Nina(PS)01arabian on September 27th, 2012 05:26 am (UTC)
As you already know just how unhappy I am with Elena’s actions no matter how misguided or misunderstood I am still blown away by how powerful their interaction was.

Thank you. I'm sorry that you are still upset with her, I feel like she's completely falling apart and yes, she's hurting Damon, but it's kinda like that old adage about you hurt the one you love the most. She knows that she can say/do anything to him and he'll always be there. And it does go both ways. She forgives Damon for every horrible thing he says/does. It's love. It really is. It's just the dark side right now.

I’m desperate to see how you work them back from this and I really hope that Damon leaves or pulls away so completely that Elena is constantly aware of his absence.

That was the original plan, but I found myself writing something completely different that wound up working a LOT better. I really, really hope it works for people. I was just so struck by how right Damon's reaction is in the follow-up. So we'll see.

I am looking forward to how you handle the disintegrating SE relationship and Elena’s growing realization that all the memories of the past can’t fix them.

Oh, it's coming, and there will be eventually a ful-blown discussion about it including some real, hard truths. I can't wait to get to that part. I really can't. But honestly there's a lot of parts I can't wait to get to!!! I want the story to just be done now!

Loved that you had her going back through her journals in an attempt to re-capture the magic only to be confronted by all of Stefan’s lies and the problems in their relationship that have nothing to do with Damon. Very effective storytelling.

It's something that's played in my mind a lot that if she ever went back to read all that early stuff she would have to face the fact that it was NOT this rosy romance that she remembers. I was so glad I could use that idea.

I loved Matt calling Caroline out on the hypocrisy of her Stefan-love. His every word showed just how childish and narrow minded her views were.

But they are very Caroline-based in that her father, Damon, Matt, Tyler, Klaus have all done/treated her horribly and yet at various times in her relationship with them she was willing, and in the case of all of them except Damon, who she is over and Klaus who she is not there with yet, still is willing to forgive them any/everything including the crappy way they treat her. She's just so desperate to be loved 100%, the center of a boy's world, like Elena always is. So I get why Caroline is acting as she is, I do. Doesn't mean, it still doesn't annoy me, but I get it.

This piling on of Stefan’s guilt is such fun to read.

LOL!

This has to be one of the few times that I really like Bonnie’s character.

This always confuses me because the Bonnie I write is the Bonnie I see on my screen, LOL! Really.

I could feel her frustrations and really hope that one day soon Elena will finally stop blindly defending Stefan and realize that everyone has been telling the truth that it is just wrong that Stefan didn’t save the love of his life.

Well, there's going to be more revealed about Elena's reasoning down the road. It's coming. We already had a little here that part of it is that if anyone was going to die from Rebekah's actions, it deserved to be her over Matt because she DID do Rebekah wrong. She did betray her and stab her in the back. Literally. So, yeah, that's part of it.

you have to wonder just what it will take for Elena to face reality

Oh, I know. It's coming.

Great interaction between the best friends.

I LOVE the friendships on the show so I'm trying to give that same care.

Thanks for telling us that this was the darkest point because I don’t know how much more of Damon’s pain I can take.

Yeah, I realized that I KNOW what's coming next, but you guys won't, so I thought I'd give you all that heads-up. It really does get better from here on out. There will still be some tough things, but you absolutely know where things are headed very soon, and Elena still has some moments where you'll want to smack her upside the head, but it's all part of a journey and nothing like this.

Thank you for sticking with me. :)

Edited at 2012-09-27 05:29 am (UTC)
MissDK: Damonmissdk on September 30th, 2012 08:35 pm (UTC)
Loving your story, but I'm sorry. I feel NOTHING for Elena but annoyance at the force she's holding on to the lie that is her and Stefan.

And what I REALLY want from Damon now is to give her back the attitude. To be cold towards her and let her chase him she gets her head out of Stefan's ass for a second. I NEED him to shut her completely out until SHE breaks down his walls again.
MissDK: Damonmissdk on September 30th, 2012 08:35 pm (UTC)
*when she gets her head out ...
Arabian: Damon05arabian on September 30th, 2012 11:42 pm (UTC)
Don't you love typos, LOL! (I thank the LJ-gods daily for the edit button if you're a paid member, which I am.)

Here, have a naked Damon!
Arabian: Damon & Elena01arabian on September 30th, 2012 11:41 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry you feel that way, but I am going with canon and if Damon almost dying and all of the stuff Stefan did last season didn't get through to her, it's going to take something massive to wake her up. What's happening with the vamp-turn and her trying to recapture the feelings as well as her desperation for Damon which she is trying to not deal with plus some future stuff is going to finally push her there, but she's not there yet. This is her journey to figuring stuff out.

And I'll tell you that, no, Damon does not act as expected. He also does not turn on her, because Damon never would. Nothing we've seen on the show indicates that he ever would, and if he did, the Elena-fangirl and couple-girl in me would be really bummed. But I know you're a Damon-fan first so you're seeing it from his point of view. But trust me, he's good.
MissDK: Damonmissdk on October 1st, 2012 05:37 am (UTC)
Oh no, I think you misunderstand my meaning. Im not a Damon fan first. I love them both equally, and if Elena was in Damon's situation, I'd want her to do the same. And what I meant was not for him to turn away from her completely. Never ever, no thanks. He'd be there and help her, but I'd want him to appear emotionally detached from her for a while, so she can feel the loss of him in her life emotionally. So that she can feel like she made him feel by telling him to get out of her life for the time being.
I just feel that Damon, not only in your story, but also in the show has been trampled on and dragged through a lot of mud and he keeps accepting it and coming back for more. He's been rejected countless times in different ways and riddiculed and a lot of things that I think he should have more of a reaction to now in stead of just a sarcastic comment or hurt puppy eyes.

This is why I'm excited for S4 and the Damon that's going to just BE Damon, consequences be damned. The one who's going to be like 'If you dont like me you can go screw yourself.' Because Damon is not a bad person, we know he's really good and he is going to keep being good - in his own way. And if a little emotional detachment from Damon will make Elena feel hurt like she made him feel, and if she can chase him a little, I'm going to be a happy camper.

Oh thanks for the Naked Damon - aint no better Damon in the world *drools*

Edited at 2012-10-01 05:44 am (UTC)
Arabian: Damon12arabian on October 1st, 2012 11:28 am (UTC)
Well, I just hope you're not disappointed because he's not going to be cold or emotionally distant. I'm writing a Damon who -- as we've seen -- has evolved and grown over the course of the series. Originally there was going to be heartbreak and angst, but while writing the next chapter, something unexpected happened and I loved where it went. I hope readers do as well.

One more Damon-related thing, I'm also giving him some credit and kudos from the other characters which has been sadly lacking for the most part on the show. This is Elena's journey both as a vampire and into Damon's arms, but it's also a journey for Damon where he finally begins to get treated better by everyone.

I'm happy ending girl. :)

Here, more naked Damon. :)
MissDK: Damonmissdk on October 1st, 2012 08:24 pm (UTC)
I have to admit that I am kind of disappointed that he is not going to let Elena feel the consequences of her denial.

I feel like he has no pride, if you know what I mean. I feel that the way he's acting, he's being Elena's doormat. Letting her walk all over him (even though she doesnt mean to hurt him), but she still does walk all over him and his already very fragile heart and he doesnt do a thing about it. Or... What I mean is, I feel that Damon should have a tiny bit more pride than this.

Of course I'm not trying to tell you what to do with your story, I'm just afraid that Damon's character is going to be the 'lesser' one in this relationship where Elena gets to make the mistakes and the heartbreaking with him only nodding and giving her hurt looks ... It's hard for me to explain it fully, but I think you know what I mean now.

Yes, I AM glad Bonnie and Matt at least do see that Damon is INDEED better than Stefan, especially for Elena. Caroline needs to be hit with a brick to remember EXACTLY how much more important it is that she is alive because of Damon taking Tyler's bite for her than what he did when he was still acting when in the state of emotions-off. Especially when she knows how it is. Hypocricy, especially the kind where Stefan gets special treatment, is the WORST.

Happy endings are required for me to not hate a fic in the end no matter how amazing it was, lol.

YAY thanks for Naked Damon. Cant get enough xD

And looking forward to the next chapter :)

Arabian: Damon08arabian on October 2nd, 2012 02:46 am (UTC)
I have to admit that I am kind of disappointed that he is not going to let Elena feel the consequences of her denial.

There will be consequences, but not because Damon is being emotionally distant. That would be TERRIBLE of him. Honestly, just thinking of what Elena is going through, it's so very, very, very much, especially in the last few days. In the last year or so, her parents died, her aunt/guardian died, her uncle/bio father died, her bio mother died, as the doppelganger she feels responsible for much of the death/destruction that has come to to this town. And in the last three days before this scene with Damon, she lost her guardian (Ric), then he turned evil torturing her friends and threatening to kill the lives of people she loves, she thought half the people she loves were going to die, then she found herself in the exact same situation she was a little over a year ago when her parents died, crashing into the lake, and then she died, and then she turned into a vampire and now has to deal with all the crazy, crazy chaos that comes with that. Comparatively, Caroline was pretty well-adjusted and her first few weeks as a vampire was pretty durn rough. Elena is dealing witH TONS more. On top of all of THAT stuff listed, Elena is also feeling a tremendous amount of guilt because she DID cheat on Stefan who she had JUST reunited with. She's confused, she's chaotic, she's scared, she's doing everything a baby vamp should NOT do. If Damon were to be cold, be emotionally distant, he'd be the biggest asshole and I wouldn't believe that he loved her. It would be INCREDIBLY selfish on his part.

Elena did not do what she did to him on a whim, or just because. She has been in a hugely emotional state that is on top of extremely painful, gutwrenching, life-changing, life-ending couple of days and she's a new vampire who is not dealing with it well. Damon loves her. He's not going to be an asshole to her. He's not going to pull away and make her feel like she's the bad guy here, because she's not. She's suffering terribly.

Damon has tremendous amounts of pride and a newfound sense of self. If he didn't, if he lashed out at her, that would be him not being proud. That would be him being the lesser man.

, I'm just afraid that Damon's character is going to be the 'lesser' one in this relationship where Elena gets to make the mistakes and the heartbreaking with him only nodding and giving her hurt looks

That is not what is going to happen. Damon is the coolest customer ever. Really. :) I should put up the next chapter tomorrow.

HAPPY ENDINGS FTW!!!

Edited at 2012-10-02 04:05 am (UTC)
Diana: Vampire Diaries - Not Leaving (D/E)butterfly on October 4th, 2012 05:02 pm (UTC)
Firstly, she wanted to see if she had noted any vampire-characteristics of Stefan’s that she hadn’t realized were such at the time so that she could avoid falling into those traps herself.

That's a smart idea.

The second reason was that she hoped that by going back to the beginning of their relationship, reading her own words, it would help her remember and recapture those feelings. At least the purity, the completeness of them. Of course Elena did still love him; that was not in question. It was just... different now.

Oh, honey.

Running her finger over the words she’d written out months ago, that smile faded and Elena let out a deep sigh. She was remembering, but the recapturing wasn't quite taking hold yet. There was a bitterness rising up within her that she also couldn’t deny no matter how she tried ignoring it. Stefan had lied to her in so many little ways. Not just about being a vampire, but also in how he pretended to get to know her, fall in love with her at the same time that she was getting to know him, fall for him. So much of what she told him about herself he already knew because he’d been watching her, following her for months.

Yes. This seems like it would be an inevitable consequence of her actually going back and looking at those early months. Stefan was constantly lying to her and she knows that now. She assumed that thinking about the beginning would remind her of how she felt back then, but it actually makes her think about everything that she didn't know.

Elena buried her head in Bonnie’s neck as Bonnie, with tears in her voice, whispered, "I’m so glad you’re alive."

Aw, Bonnie. You've come so far. This whole scene with them was very sweet. I love the friendships on the show.

Understanding what Bonnie wasn’t saying, Elena sighed, the suspicion stirred by the jewels chosen confirmed. Damon had picked these out for her, thinking of the two of them, side by side for the potential of an eternity. So very Damon. As much as he tried to hide his romantic soul, gestures like this caused it to shine through his cynical shell. And as she thought of that romance and his love for her that stayed strong despite everything her heart gave a little hitch, sighed and broke all in an instant.

Damon is such a romantic, yes.

"But Elena that would be like me saving," she raised her hands, looking about as if casting for a comparison, "Stefan over Jeremy! I don’t get it."

lol, 'would totally let Stefan drown if Jeremy was the other person who needed saving, jsyk'. But, yes, I like Bonnie's reaction and her going, 'well, obviously, you aren't going to be in a relationship with the guy who let you die when he could have saved you'.

I guess that kinda, sorta makes Elena and I sisters in a way

Cute! I hadn't thought of that.

He was unrepentant. "What? I'm only supposed to understand the crazy reasons why people YOU like do terrible things?"

I appreciate Matt pointing out the double-standard that is going on.

She waved her hands in the air, mostly dismissing the magic behind it and explained it simply. "It has something to do with magical healing arts or something. Basically there's a spell that's like a numbing agent and it lasts for about four hours. Bonnie whammied Damon with that so even though it was burning him up something fierce all the way down, he didn't feel a thing. And so we're good. The council is completely off our backs."

Pretty awesome plan.

Silence stretched out between them, and it took everything in her not to break, not to crumple before him, not to try and take his pain away, but she had to do this. She had to be selfish, she had to put herself first. And in the long run, it was better for him too. She knew that, absolutely. So she met his gaze and hers was steady and hard. She didn’t blink; she didn’t cry. There was only a sheen there, shimmering at the corner of her eyes.

Oh, Elena. I do like that she's trying to be as honest as possible about what she's currently wanting to do with her life but, ah, so unsustainable, hon.
Arabian: Elena08arabian on October 11th, 2012 05:52 am (UTC)
Yes. This seems like it would be an inevitable consequence of her actually going back and looking at those early months. Stefan was constantly lying to her and she knows that now. She assumed that thinking about the beginning would remind her of how she felt back then, but it actually makes her think about everything that she didn't know.

Which we know would never happen on the show, but I had to go there in my fic.

This whole scene with them was very sweet. I love the friendships on the show.

Thanks, I'm trying to show that friendship as well on the show.

I appreciate Matt pointing out the double-standard that is going on.

Dangit, someone has to do it!

Pretty awesome plan.

No doubt it will be way more violent on the show, LOL!

Oh, Elena. I do like that she's trying to be as honest as possible about what she's currently wanting to do with her life but, ah, so unsustainable, hon.

Absolutely!
bitcheesquared: pic#65968164bitcheesquared on October 31st, 2012 10:27 pm (UTC)
Argh! I just want to smack her...
God I'd really kill to see how she'd feel if he took her at her word. Right about now I'd love it if he found himself another Rose or even an Andi. I'd just like to see how well she'd cope if Damon appeared to be moving on.
How would Elena react if the shoe was on the other foot, so to speak.
Arabian: Damon07arabian on October 31st, 2012 11:40 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry I don't get it. She's completely falling apart. She's a complete wreck, a complete disaster. She's miserable, on the verge of tears every second, her heart is breaking. And Damon loves her, he would never do anything to add to what she's going through right now.

I appreciate you reading and commenting, but I love Elena and I just feel so badly for her. And how I'm writing this, Damon does too because he does love her.
bitcheesquared: pic#65968164bitcheesquared on November 1st, 2012 07:04 pm (UTC)
Sorry. I do get that she's miserable and her emotions are all over the place, and yes i feel sorry for her too. I just feel sorrier for Damon. He has no say in how she feels and she seems determined to keep avoiding why she's so miserable. When I commented, I meant that I personally, would like to see her have some sort of wake-up call, something to shock her out of the habit her denial has become. Yes Damon loves her and hurts for her and he will wait... and btw I'm a Delena fan big time so I want them to be a couple, but I suppose I want her to realize that it's not her lack of feelings for him but her fear that is the true barrier.
Anyway. fantastic story, it got me emotionally invested enough to comment... Not all writers can do that.
Cheers :D
Alisha: Revenge - EmilyNolanBamfWalkkalishaka on April 13th, 2013 03:14 pm (UTC)
Bless you for doing the scene between Bonnie and Elena, allowing them to laugh, and be young for a moment.

"When you live in a crazy town with vampires, werewolves and witches, I guess anything is possible."
Tagline for the show? I think it should be!

MATT! I cannot even pick a certain thing...just MATT!

I would have died for a council scene like you are describing. It's so manipulative and perfect. Love it! Love everything about it!

Oh Elena. You're ridiculous. I love you....but you are ridiculous.
Arabian: Elena04arabian on April 14th, 2013 04:14 am (UTC)
I love the friendships on the show so much, I wanted to bring it to life in the fic as well.

I love Matty!

Originally I was going to write the council scene but it would have just been a fun scene. This way it pushed the story forward.

RE: Elena, yes, she is. Yes, she is.